I pulled the first bulb off the tree and began to think,“Christmas always seems so far away, but once it arrives, I wish it would never leave.”
Unable to stand another Christmas song, I turned on Pandora Radio. They haven’t invented a radio station dedicated to dismantling Christmas, so I chose something evenly upbeat and turned to Diana Ross to liven the mood. There’s something about her voice, commanding, but cheerful. Like my second grade teacher who tirelessly worked to correct my cursive, uppercase letter “E.”
I began to remove the branches of our artificial tree and carefully pack away the gold ribbons which had beautifully wrapped the tree. I pulled off a miniature high heel sling back that we recently bought at Bronner’s, a Christmas Wonderland Emporium. It truly was just a few weeks ago I spent 5 hours walking around Bronner’s. This place is six acres of nothing but Christmas decorations and overly cheerful employees. I had exhausted myself while shopping and rested at Santa’s North Pole Café #2, to refuel on a salted pretzel. Phone reception was spotty at best inside this caverous wonderland and I lost the people I drove there with hours ago. Nevertheless, I pressed on throughout the ornament warehouse as hoards of families continued to pour in. Suddenly, I was cut off by two obese women on Hoverounds decorated with garland and a string of flashing lights. I was lodged between Baby’s 1st Christmas and Pickle ornaments. It was then, when I turned around, that I found a gold-flaked high heel shoe that would be perfect to hang on my tree. But now that I was packing it away, I began to feel sad because the heel only had approximately 10 days to glimmer and another 355 in a sealed box.
Diana continued, “Someday we’ll be together.” She knew. She understood what it was like to reluctantly remove holiday decorations. My ornament box quickly filled and I was forced to go buy another storage container.
It’s interesting, every department store boasts holiday clearance and deeply discounted sale items on everything in the store. Ironically, what I needed were holiday ornament containers, which were not on sale. This only leads me to buy six other holiday items on sale, to justify my forty-five minute drive. Yes, I seek justification for my sixty pound carbon footprint of the day.
My boyfriend had the day off while I decided to box up Christmas and I think he too, was feeling a little bit unhappy that Christmas had come and gone so quickly. I needed a solution for our gloomy outlooks and I needed it to be as good, if not better, than Christmas itself.
He turned on CNN to watch the latest news and to his disappointment, caught Ann Coulter vomiting her right-wing political opinions and using her anti-Semitic views to defend them.
He turned on CNN to watch the latest news and to his disappointment, caught Ann Coulter vomiting her right-wing political opinions and using her anti-Semitic views to defend them.
“She sickens me,” I said. “Did you know she’s been engaged seven times?”
He laughed and thought I was joking.
“Honestly!” I told him, “But that MILF has never been married.”
Just then he turned to a local Chicago television station where Governor Pat Quinn spoke out about Illinois Civil Unions. A bill which recognized same-sex unions had passed just before Christmas and Quinn stated that he'd sign the bill early in 2011. Michael had a look of disbelief. Could it be true that Illinois is now as progressive as Iowa?
The bill would take effect on June 1, and we agreed to celebrate by being one of the first to apply for our license. That got his mind off of Christmas and mine too. Just then Diana Ross began to flood the room again, “I’m Coming Out!” she bellowed.
We stood to our feet and began to dance around our tiny apartment. I picked up our little kitten, Peppers, and bounced him around on my shoulder.
We stood to our feet and began to dance around our tiny apartment. I picked up our little kitten, Peppers, and bounced him around on my shoulder.
Michael skipped around the boxes in the room then leaned over, “This is better than any present I could have asked for.”
I agreed, “We may be putting Christmas in the closet, but we’re ‘Coming Out!’."
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